BACKGROUND

Gasoline Jolene is the unofficial, untrained, and highly questionable checkered-flag girl at the dusty little racetrack just outside town where the smell of burnt rubber, beer, and poor life choices hangs in the air like a proud tradition.

Nobody actually remembers hiring her.

One day she just showed up in boots, short shorts, and enough attitude to stall a V8, grabbed the checkered flag, and started waving it like she was directing traffic in the world’s drunkest airport runway.

And somehow… nobody stopped her.

She grew up in a trailer park right next to the racetrack fence. As a kid she thought the engines were thunderstorms that smelled like gasoline, and by age 12 she could identify a small-block Chevy purely by the emotional vibration in her ribcage.

Now she spends race day doing the following:

• Waving the checkered flag for dramatic effect

• Blowing kisses at drivers doing 120 mph

• Accidentally signaling the end of races whenever she gets bored

• Starting chants in the crowd like “SEND IT OR PARK IT!”

The race officials have tried to fire her four separate times, but every time they do the crowd riots and chants:

“BRING BACK GASOLINE JOLENE!”

Drivers have mixed opinions.

Some say she’s distracting.

Others say she’s the only reason they show up.

One rookie driver once admitted he drove straight into a tire barrier because Jolene winked at him and yelled:

“YOU GOT THIS, SUGAR!”

He did not, in fact, have this.

SPECIAL SKILLS

• Can high-kick while holding a checkered flag

• Drinks gas-station energy drinks like they’re water

• Once started a race by accident because she got excited

• Has been banned from three victory lane celebrations for reasons nobody will elaborate on

CATCHPHRASE

“IF YOU AIN’T SIDEWAYS, YOU AIN’T TRYIN’!”